“Do You Love Me Or The Idea Of Me?”

July 3, 2018

(Disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing.)

I’m judgmental of people who are in & out of relationships, like how can you possibly even LIKE that many people, let alone LOVE them?! I love people in my life, but there are different ways of loving someone, and there are levels, and HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU TRULY LOVE SOMEONE? About a year & a half ago this discussion came up and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. “Do you love me or the idea of me?”

What is love? If love is a feeling, it’s temporary. It has to be, right? Granted, it seems to have the longest run in the life cycle of feelings. Imagine if we expected to stay angry or sad or hurt for the amount of time we expect to stay feeling love? It’s absurd.

So love is a choice? According to a podcast I listen to, The Angry Therapist, this is the answer. Love is a choice. But if that’s the case, why are you choosing to love that particular person? How do you know if it’s real love or if you just like what they represent?

And because I don’t know that I know what love is, I asked you to define it:

@lggibby:

@DetroitDave78:

Another answer: “Loving someone is wanting to talk to even after you’ve had the worst day.”

No women answered me, btw.

There are a handful of people I want to talk to even after I’ve had my worst day, or when I’ve had little to no time alone (I require solo time to decompress & reset). 

Here’s what I know: nothing (I told you this in the first line.) Kidding! Loving the idea of someone is squeezing them into your pre-planned picture, and anyone who goes along with it will do. It’s starting the relationship at Step 10 in your head, and then rushing through Step 1-9 to get to the part you think you want. It’s what they represent, who you want them to be.

What’s truly loving someone then? My answer: The difference is loving someone for who they are, right now, vs what they do for you or what you think they will be. It’s “you’re really funny!” compared to “you make me laugh.” It’s actually liking them as a person, for who they are on their own.

How do you know you love someone?