In an effort to help with accountability, I decided to write down my resolutions for 2018. Here they are:

Talk more shit.

I’m going to start speaking up. Some of you may be like “has this been her holding back?” Yes. Yes it has. In 2018, I’m asking all the questions. We’re all going to be clear and on the same page with one another, you feel me? Awkward conversations for everyone. Also, on a similar note, I’m done liking your inspirational and motivational quotes. You’re not doing shit and I’m done pretending.

Get comfortable.

I’ve been uncomfortable most of my life. For years, I’ve been bouncing around from state to state, apartment to apartment, which has allowed me to live in a consistent state of being the “newbie.” So in 2018, I’m going to get comfortable with not knowing where I am, or sometimes who I am. I’m going to get comfortable in my uncomfortableness.

Learn to lie.

I’m a terrible liar. In fact, it’s starting to become a problem. Sometimes telling the truth gives me that weird feeling you get when you opened up too much or said too much. In 2018, I’m going to learn to lie.

Hold more grudges.

That’s right, there’s no more “well, I appreciate the lesson I learned” positive thinking bullshit. Talk about trophy kids! We always need to find the W in something. Why do we all want to constantly see the “blessing.” We’re both taking L’s and moving on. I don’t care. There’s 8 billion people in the world, find someone else to bother.

Laugh less.

At you. Not at me, I’m hilarious. I’m also completely inspired by this tweet:

No more putting “lol” at the end of my statements in 2k18. I said what I said.

— Kendra (@xKayy_Jolie) December 23, 2017 

She is so right. How about in 2018 we all commit to learning to read inflection in texts and emails based on context (or maybe ask those questions for clarification). At the very least, read the shit in a monotone voice because I’m done putting smiley faces at the end of sentences and LOL’s as a follow up because I AM NOT LAUGHING AT LOUD. Like Kay said, I said what I said.

I’ll be taking my own advice. Welcome to 2018 Amy.